Updated–Detour: Food Journey Confession

UPDATE:

Shame is the biggest weight to lose for all dieters, I was able to have more grace for myself after seeing this today…

So I was watching Good Morning America,  New Study Reveals Why ‘Biggest Loser’ Winners Often Regain Weight.  It showed 13 of 14 of the Biggest Loser contestants has gained much of their weight back after the show.  This new study reveals the science behind why, and the body can be to blame.  Dr Jennifer Ashton is board certified in Obesity Medicine and agrees with the science in this study.   Watch it here. Knowing the fact that your leptin levels decrease and your metabolism decreases after a big weight loss, shows us, our bodies have a built in program to want to return to our bigger self.  Danny Cahill, season 8 winner said learning this information was when the shame on his shoulders went off.

I truly think that the shame makes the cycle of defeat worse and we need to cut ourselves slack and someday the judgment will not be there.  More research needs to be done, because the average person cannot exercise 3 hours a day while they feel like they are starving.  No wonder we have learned to comfort ourselves with food.  Moving more and eating less gets harder after dieting and regaining.  It’s such a vicious cycle!

Taking is one day at a time, like all addicts do.

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While I did great on the restrictive Ideal Protein diet for 3 months, I’m in a total free fall with my eating now.  I confess, I am gaining back what I have lost and am feeling ashamed.  It’s been hard for me to get to this place of being able to share, but I want to be brutally honest and open about my struggle with food addiction.

I confess, I am gaining back what I have lost and am feeling ashamed.

I was in ketosis for about 3 months and it helped my carbohydrate cravings to stop.  That is really good, but I didn’t really deal with the WHY I crave the savory and sweet comforts.  It’s complex, but one think I know is  I have issues with allowing myself to have negative emotions.  It feels really good to say it and put it out there.  But, I’m tired of cycle of defeat…the weight, the carb limits, the hand to mouth struggle. Instead I’d like to be free of the running monologue in my head telling me I can’t do it.  I want to hear myself saying things to empower and embracing my tiniest of successes.

Yes, I fell off the diet.  I knew my body needed a break from the strict high protein and vegetable diet, because I was cheating regularly and  it became too hard to get my 4 cups of veggies every day.

Yes, I become what I eat; and my brain changes depending on what I feed my body.  If I were a meth addict, my brain would change; and I’m a junk food, fast food, chemical and processed food addict.  And I’m drawn to high flavor low fiber processed foods, and I have been for many years.  It makes choosing a salad, fresh fruit, or a lean piece of chicken feel like I’m choosing to eat cardboard, plastic & rubber.  I just want creamy, crunchy, sweet and salty, sensational food in my mouth.  I get excited about eating fried chicken, it produces a thrill in me when I’ve decided to do it just this once.  You know that high before the hit and then comes the regret and remorse. Until the cycle has gotten a few revolutions and then there is less and less remorse and regret.  The choices have become habits and the emotions have dulled, changing my sharp sensed soul into a flat affected heart.

There is hope!  I’m so glad I see life is as journey, and I’m not a quitter.  I’m not a defeatist and I will not let food control my life, my spirit, my mind.  One food choice at a time is the way I have to live.  I must stay positive and dig down deep for those long forgotten negative emotions and let them out appropriately.  That is a sub-journey but may be one leg of the root of the my complex problem. Too bad I have to do these two things at the same time, but that is reality.  I am thankful I have this struggle because it keeps me relying on my one true source of strength.  God!

An encouragement came in the form of my endocrinologist  who I see yearly.  He was proud of my lab work results and credited them to my existing weight loss and the medicines he prescribes.  The fact is, his office sponsors the Ideal Protein diet and he knows exactly how it works.  I shared I quit my diet and told him it’s hard to get enough protein in a normal diet.  I told him I was very tired of trying to eat the piles of vegetables required also.  He told me to do a little of both.  What!!!  In my mind, I knew it was a good idea, but I couldn’t get past my all or nothing mindset of “I’m either on it or off it.” And there’s nothing like hearing it from a highly sought after doctor to begin to think the idea was a good one for me.

Many of you who know me, know I can encourage and offer wisdom to others freely.  God brings people to me and they share their issues, problems, hangups and I help them get past the mental and emotional hurdles to move on to a more healthy way of thinking.  But, it’s hard to do it for yourself.  So, the Lord used my specialist to tell me what He wanted me to hear.

I’m listening and will keep working on my weight with my new battle plan.  I hope you continue this food journey with me.

 

 

About shawneepooh

Oily experimenter, Avid Pinner, Social Media student, Bible reader, Fun friend, Great wife, Wonderful mama!

1 Response

  1. Kelly Sicaras

    I applaud your honesty and will be praying for you friend! Keep at it, and turn to God when those cravings hit. Love you!❤️

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