It’s been a while since I’ve written, because I’ve been in a free fall with my emotions. My last post I wrote about my out of control eating. Knowing I was emotionally congested, I chose to eliminate a feeling suppressing medication from my daily routine.
Before I quit Zoloft, I couldn’t cry. I could barely feel my own feelings. I took it for over 10 years for an anxiety incident I had once. My doctor said I would be on it for the rest of my life and I believed him. But now I see I shouldn’t have.
So I let my prescription run out and quit cold turkey. And the crazy lady inside me came for a two week visit. My poor family must have thought I was possessed. I reacted differently to things than I normally did. My overly suppressed feelings were making a grand appearance and I couldn’t do anything about it. My happy was really happy and my upset was furious, and my sad was devastated.
Thankfully my family supported me and I got through the worst of it. The detoxing from the extended use of a SSRI did come to a manageable pace. There were panic attacks in the middle of the night and super emotional waves to ride while watching sad parts of movies, news or shows. It made me realize how suppressed my feelings really were all this time.
So how do I get my feelz on, maybe I use carbs to feel good or just to get a 20 minute hit of dopamine to feel something at all, especially when on Zoloft. I don’t know. My body craves the carbs more than the average person’s because I have insulin resistance. I’ll talk more about that disorder in another post. The gist is this, I get very little energy from high energy foods, like carbs, because my body doesn’t recognize how to use the glucose properly. No, it’s not diabetes, it’s a precursor and it’s part of my syndrome, PCOS.
I believe I’ll battle eating healthy and healthy feelings my whole life, since I have to eat to live and my Myers Briggs assessed me with an F (for feeler.) Food and feelings are very linked together. I don’t think I can find a cure or a pill or a regimen to follow that will make feeling “normally” and totally stop my energy cravings. My ability to store fat is my super power. Too bad it’s not in style or good for a strong body!
Thankfully I’m not a super vain person and I lean towards what’s on the inside that counts more than what’s on the outside. Who I am in Christ matters more to me than how I look and what comments I get from looking spiffy. Becoming healthy in mind, body and spirit is the fight I write about. I hope you will continue this journey with me…
**Please note that I am not a medical professional and do not make recommendations to quit taking your medications. Consult a professional for that type of decision.
I found a great article on emotional eating.